Just So You Know

Just so you know
I miss you so

But there's no point of it
Not anymore
To let it show
To let you know
How I feel every time I see your old picture
Or listen to the song that reminds me of you
Or suddenly seeing you in my mind, still love me

I think I am not giving up
But when I knew that, maybe, it wasn't me that you always wait for
Maybe it wasn't me that you can't erase from your heart
Maybe all this time you just had your hardest time to let me go
Not because you still love me and hope any future will be created together with me

I think I wasn't good enough for you.
Ya, I was. I know I was.
But it attacked me so hard, that at the time you still showed your little care, little love, little longing for me to be around, you could love another so hard, so painfully, so crazily...
And it makes me wonder, where were I? Were I there in your heart?

And I had started to believe, maybe it all had been over with the another
Maybe you didn't want me now, but later, there will be hope for me to be next to you
But it seems not

It seems not

I had had my misunderstanding
All things become bias
Is it me or is it her?

I can't show you that I care, not that I wouldn't even think of you
Hey, just so you know, that's all I could do these couple days. I can't show you because I don't want to. There's no point of it.
I can't show you how much I miss you, how much I wonder what are you doing right now, how are you feeling, or how heavy my heart can be whenever I want to lighten up your day with my words or cheer you up when you're down, but I just can't see what's the point of it.

I can't
It never across my mind that you could love someone else that big, and it turned out not to be me
I never witnessed it with my own bare eyes. I saw it, and I lie if I told you I didn't cry
I had cried so hard, but you didn't need to know, there's no point of it.

You wanted me to need you, I always did
You wanted me to love you, I had tried my best to make you see
I am sorry that I can never be like her
I didn't know what should I have done to make you believe me like the way you believe in her love
I failed
I lost
I failed to change the way you want me to
Maybe she succeeded
I lost our three years in just three months you had spent with her
Maybe that three months were so full of happiness and you were showered by her love that you always desired, that kind of love I failed to give.
Maybe compared to our three years of right and wrong, learning and making mistakes, laugh and cry, anger and rudeness, simple care and our hopes together, the happiness I ever craved in your faces, the disappointment I created in your eyes, your forgiveness, my coming back (how funny is it, the fact that I can't stand myself trying to leave you twice, have you ever felt that I left you? Maybe that's why, because I never really left you, the day she left you made you so crazy. Again where were I in your heart?), those three months are just too wonderful.

Too wonderful to you that after all this time you had fulfilled my days once again, along with my fake reject, my lousy ego to pretend that I didn't care at all, your patience to accept me again and again, you still want her to contact you.

So, just so you know, I think you don't love me anymore
I think I have lost you since your three months with her started
I was too stupid to see, and too in love with you that my heart wouldn't give up on you

Bias.
You had loved her that much, that big, for your three months together
You had stayed with me until today since three years ago, with every ups and downs
Bias.
Maybe all this time, it wasn't me.

 http://lifeliveson.tumblr.com/page/2