A Personal Letter to Taylor Swift

I have planned to write for you for a long time when there are so much times to feel myself really sunk in your poetic and magnetic lyrics. So here I am once again, from album to album, and singles to singles, fangirling like a 13 years old. Now that I realize today is your birthday (December 13, 2012), I don't see why I need to delay any more words.

First of all, happy birthday, Taylor, I wish you can stick to your true self wherever your imagination may take you and hopefully you'll find a perfect guy that will make you start writing about world peace and more pieces like "Mean" instead of  your heart-breaking cycles. Not that I don't like it, I basically stalk and hum your songs in my entire conscious adult life. But I think your talent is much better to be spilled all over the encouragement issue than just to bend and mend the cracking heart all over the world, if you know what I mean.

If there's a celebrity that I want to be, it is you. Certainly there are backgrounds to that very statement. So here it goes, the reasoning.

When I listen carefully to your lyrics, it feels so familiar and at the same time making me contemplate. Yes, the lyrics do get those power. You are powerful through the things you master and I forever salute you for that. Can I first talk about "Fifteen"? Well, you sing the hearts out of every hopeless romantic 14-15 years old anywhere in the world through that song. You put yourself right there in the song, make it alive and graspable. And that's a quality, not even a professional singer, songwriter really has. That what makes you really distinctive and instantly rocket to fame. World aches to see humility, simplicity, and truth in music.

Basically, this one reason is enough for me to make a vow to update myself with whatever you are up to. But then, I search a little on YouTube and I can see all the hates you receive from your unconsciously admiring-secretly pawning-over-Taylor Swift group of people. The fact that you are not the best female voice in the industry just make me see more in you, and I believe so does others who respect your talent. You are no Beyonce nor Faith Hill, but you own it as Taylor Swift and nobody can ever match you on that.

Taylor, you are probably the only performer that dance awkwardly. I mean, maybe it's judgmental, but I personally think it is true. You do not move or do things that require a body harmony marries to beats perfectly. Even so, you always look cool cause you play guitar nicely. This bit probably is my favorite because it shows how normal you are. To be a great performer, you don't have to kill it flawlessly. The most important thing is to give your best shot. I learned that seeing your Vevo, Ms. Taylor.

Have I told you that I have fun watching your performances on stage? They are always a bliss to be watched. You enjoy it and so does your exquisite band. The sound you produce are just completing each other it is heartwarming.

Your not-so-bombshell figure is your plus point. You got these long skinny legs that ooze perfection, with bunny teeth. You are tall and I think that's why you seem a little hunched on back due to height adjustment. This is the kind of beauty you do not see in Hollywood yet it makes you more attractive and unique in a relatable way.

I see a video when you told people you were bullied. Growing up having a different way in looking at your dreams is a challenge and a wide open door to bullying. But as you constantly do, you manage just fine and eventually conquer all your fears and gain your dreams. That's an attitude of a heroine, and I look up to you because of your experience that led you gave birth to "Mean" and "The Best Day".

All in all, Taylor, I think you're awesome. Watching your interviews, you have this sense of random humor which makes me see you as a person. A human being that if ever we met, we would laugh over some silly things and shared inside jokes nobody understand. Listening to your works, you have this magical brain that chooses a perfectly right word, arrange each word to the ability of piercing through the core of every soul. You successfully voice what others find hard to say in a brilliant music. I think you will go far and stay on top, as long as you keep doing that and in the process do not lose your character. Keep up that good work on being an inspiration.

Sincerely,

Prisca,

from Indonesia

Taylor, concert here, please?

Picture credit: tumblr.com

Kesederhanaan Interaksi dalam Industri Musik Independen

Sebuah gebrakan dalam dunia komunikasi masa kini adalah pilihan kalimat yang tepat untuk menggambarkan media sosial. Dunia berada dalam genggaman dan digerakkan oleh ibu jari yang sinkron dengan sel-sel otak yang aktif karena imajinasi. Berimajinasi waktu-waktu ini sudah bukan hal yang terkungkung kesulitan sumber daya, terima kasih yang terlambat disampaikan kepada Zuckerberg sebagai salah satu inspirator yang terdeteksi mata dunia.

Bicara tentang imajinasi tentunya tidak lepas dari kelahiran seni. Indonesia dan talenta, dua hal yang sudah dikawinkan sah sejak era komunikasi maya yang meledak luas di antara pengguna Internet di Indonesia. Ragam akun dan halaman yang populer menyuarakan demokrasi dalam berkarya dengan integritas wara-wiri setiap harinya hanya sejauh kata kunci yang sesuai di situs pencari segala seperti Google atau Yahoo. 

Seni yang paling mudah diapresiasi hampir selalu bernafaskan nada, begitu juga di Indonesia. Yang menghubungkan musik dengan media sosial seringkali menyangkut promosi, tapi inovasi selalu mampu menggeser generalisasi. Satu yang tidak lepas dari pengamatan adalah kultur musik independen atau yang akrab disebut indie. Boleh disebut aliran musik Do It Yourself (DIY), bermodalkan hasrat bermusik yang ogah dijajah selera pasar dan dalam budget serendah-rendahnya ternyata sanggup menimbulkan atraksi tersendiri. Musisi-musisi berbendera indie bermunculan via media sosial seperti MySpace dan YouTube, lalu layaknya sebuah siklus melebar ke Facebook dan Twitter sebagai media berbagi informasi dan interaksi dengan penikmat musik yang sangat tersegmen ini.

Pergerakan yang diperjelas oleh PAS Band di tahun 1993 ini makin tumbuh subur berkat media sosial, memungkinkan pembangunan komunitas virtual yang menopang dan membangun jaringan yang bahkan lebih luas dari scene musik non-independen. Tahun 90-an musik indie hanyalah bagian dari musik underground, yang kasetnya hanya diedarkan di toko-toko distro (kependekan dari distributor) di Bandung. Tahun 2000an, musisi-musisi yang bertahan dengan tidak dikontrak label kawakan inilah yang berjasa mengharumkan nama bangsa di kancah internasional hanya melalui media sosial. Entah ditemukan oleh perusahaan rekaman kaliber dunia seperti The S.I.G.I.T atau konsistensi yang berbuah koneksi ke negeri ginseng seperti band folk Mocca jadi kisah happy ending musisi indie. Yang manapun pemicunya, dua nama tadi sudah cukup menjelaskan kekuatan jejaring sosial untuk industri kreatif.

Kesuksesan adalah candu. Mulai bermunculan ke permukaan nama-nama band indie yang semakin didukung massa yang sarapan dengan Twitter dan makan siang ditemani YouTube. Haus akan musik-musik yang berani beda menggelitik penikmat musik di Indonesia untuk mendukung mereka yang gagah mengambil jalur indie, tentunya lewat media sosial dengan kesederhanaan metode interaksi yang bebas polusi pretensi hasil dari kontrol perusahaan rekaman besar.

Interaksi adalah 'oksigen' bagi makhluk sosial. Media sosial dengan tepatnya mempersonifikasi sebutannya dengan menyediakan apa yang dibutuhkan makhluk sosial. Tombol follow di Twitter atau like di Facebook adalah sebuah keputusan. Pengguna media sosial sadar betul setelah mengklik tombol-tombol tersebut, mereka akan jadi bagian dari suatu komunitas. Mereka yang memilih, konten apa yang sesuai dengan minat mereka. Mereka yang melangkah, sejauh mana mereka ingin bersinggungan dengan suatu komunitas di media sosial. Bagi pemusik indie, ini adalah suatu kekuatan yang bermutualisasi. Media sosial dengan cerdik dimaksimalkan sebagai ajang penjawab kebutuhan. Layaknya semut dan manisan, jejak-jejak konten 'manis' yang sengaja ditinggalkan di dimensi virtual akan didatangi oleh 'semut'.

Berita terbaru hingga sapaan selamat pagi menjadi bagian yang disebut konten, yang dengan murah hati dibagi dengan khalayak yang sudah bergabung di media sosial band-band indie. Bagi sukarelawan yang mengaksesnya setiap hari, tanpa sadar pun mereka berkontribusi. Ceritakan sesuatu lewat dunia maya, dan mari menunggu efek domino dari sifat alami manusia yang tidak tinggal diam ketika hal yang menjadi kecintaannya disebut selintas. Musik, dalam hal ini, selalu menarik untuk disimak. Album baru, lagu baru, prestasi, jadwal konser, sebutlah apa saja yang dapat dikaitkan, dan satu dua tiga sepuluh sahutan bermunculan menanggapi isi, melahirkan komunikasi, mengundang atensi, dan akhirnya, mengembangbiakkan saksi yang dengan gampangnya berpromosi atas dasar apresiasi, melebarkan sayap band indie.

Kekuatan media sosial yang tidak terbatas ruang dan waktu. Kreatifitas industri musik yang berani keluar dari kotak zona nyaman. Dua hal yang saling melengkapi satu dengan yang lain, di mana media sosial adalah kendaraan canggih yang berkembang sesuai masa mengantarkan penumpang-penumpang bervisi sampai ke mana saja tujuannya. Sebuah pola yang telah lebih dahulu diterapkan menjadi misi utama Prasetiya Mulya Business School dalam melahirkan kreator yang berkontribusi bagi masyarakat. Musisi independen sebagai satu dari sekian banyak komunitas yang bergerak dengan poros media sosial, terus menginspirasi dan berkreasi. Sebangga itulah dunia music entrepreneurship Indonesia di masa mendatang.

Culinary Experience with Dunhill

The event was held on April 26, 2012. Twas the event from the client of my old internship place. I helped out for documentation. This event was by DUNHILL, one of the foremost and hip cigarettes in Indonesia. They would like to launch their new product called DUNHILL Mild exclusively to the media friends. So this was actually an open circus for the media to know better about DUNHILL Mild. What made it unique was, the interpretation of the product characters through food experience.

Twas held in Social House, an urban hip kind of resto located in Grand Indonesia, an urban hip luxury based mall in Jakarta.

Lines-up of Wagyu, an exceedingly tasty and expensive beef steak.

First dish served was a Cream Soup with Garlic Bread (there's actual name, but I didn't recall it) by Chef Tristan, the nicest bule chef I ever known (not that I know many of 'em hehe).

Only Tristan who prepared two dishes among the chefs. This second dish was, errr... Snapper, I guess. The fish that every Masterchefs (the TV show) mastered.
These two dishes represented MORE of DUNHILL Mild. MORE reflects the extra mild cigarettes inside a pack of DUNHILL Mild (there are 20 cigss inside a pack).

The people (who were lucky enough to tasteee!!)

Here comes Maxi, energetic chef that called me: "Syandra's slave". Looking good with that can of fire sprays.

This is the outcome, the most applauded dish that day. "The juicy-ness of the meat was the key" - Words I heard several times.
This finely cut layers of Wagyu represented FINE CUT of DUNHILL Mild. Every cigarette of DUNHILL Mild is cautiously cut into 40 to 50 chops and makes it more subtle and gives smoother smoking experience.

The most interactive chef award was also goes to him.

The celebrity Chef of Gula Gula Cooking Show in Trans TV, Bara Pattiradjawane. Look at those sweet troops!

The result. The white chocolate box you could open and close that contained the Manadonese giant walnut was to represent RELOC of DUNHILL Mild, which is the signature seal of DUNHILL that could keep the cigarettes fresh and still tasty even after we open the pack.

These are the spotlights destination during the event. From left to right: Adhika Maxi, Tristan, Winne the MC (also Celebrity Chef), Andreas Pradhana (the Marketing Dude of Dunhill), and Bara Pattiradjawane.

The complimentary drink, there's clove inside of it. Not sure about the taste *clinching teeth. But still the look was pretty.

Overall, I was so happy AND hungry. I got off early to get me some Cheese Roti Boy. Well, I got the memories frozen here already, and for the record, this was my first paid Photography freelance job! Thank God!

Seven Blessings of First Fruit Offering

"So God is true, He lives and listens."

When you read any verses from Bible, sometimes it is hard to fully understand it, right until you come to have it on a real experience. You finally are able to grasp it when God translates the verse directly to your profound soul. It takes time, though.

My time was finally arrived because the prayer I murmured every morning since the first month of my internship begun was answered. Even things that I forgot to pray for, was given back to me. How this happened, I never will understand, but one thing now is clear, putting your faith on is one source of a great power to bring forth a real life testimony.


The church I come to every week is so active in teaching lessons about giving God your very best sacrifice as a form of obedience. It is about giving your first fruit offering (Exodus 23:15-19). What is that? It is simply to give your very first income of where God gives you land to work on (your workplace).

In short, the words touched me as I learned to obey. In the verses of Exodus 23:20-, it states that the first fruit offering could activate The Seven Blessings, they are:

1. Angel that will walk in front of you
2. Our enemy is also His enemy
3. Your bread and drink are guaranteed
4. No disease will be near you
5. No miscarriage or infertility in your land
6. Fulfillment of your days of life and long lasted life

7. Fruitful life and the possession of the promise land

Who doesn't want to possess all of these blessings? So, as the part of act of obedience, when the monthly incentive payment time came, I gave back the money I received after I fulfill the house rent fee. At first, I just waited and waited, I didn't know that you need to claim those blessings every single day (oh pity pity me!). So the first time I gave, I didn't feel that much of difference cause I know every day God already walked with me anyway :D.

But there was this one prayer I kept replaying, which is for God to give my mother a job that she needs.  So I gave the first income again, the one I got when I started working at my second internship place. And thanks to the man that testified about the power of giving the first fruit offering in the church, now I know that I have to claim the blessings.

Now I prayed, not saying that If You willing to give me, O God, but declaring that I know I will receive the blessings (and actually, my main focus is still "please give my mom her job" prayer). I waited, and once I questioned the result, hesitated the power. But then faith tapped my back, to not ever questioned God ever.

After that, not too long (about 2 weeks), my mom sent a text saying that Praise the Lord she got the job she's been interviewed for. Wave of relief came washing my stomach and weary heart right at the time I read her text.

I prayed the next morning, saying that I'm thankful. Then a flash came to my mind, I could see there how God actually had fulfilled the blessings, it's just that I wasn't sensitive enough to realize (I know it's lame). See, I make this list right now, the proof that Jesus really loves His people. And I'm proud to say that one of 'em is MOI.

1. My mom got a job

2. I don't know how but I never feel a day of lack of something. When I felt short on cash, a little miracle happened continuously. Strangers paid me my bus fare twice (I'd like to remember them as angels) and my kos-kosan friend helped to fetch me near my office so I can walk and don't have to spare any Rupiah. Or how about lunch paid by my supervisor twice, right when I don't have money?

3. I felt really sick one day, my stomach felt funny. I prayed, Angel supposedly won't let me be sick, right? So I continued going home riding the bus, alone and queasy. I tried to vomit but failed, then another "portal" opened. I slept on it. Next day, I felt like Imma brand new (SWAAG!). No medicine, just a faithful whispering.

4. Well this one could be the most proud moment I ever had. I had this childhood dream, that I sort of gave up along the way. I wanted to be a writer ever since I read the World Figure Series of Hans Christian Andersen. I loved the idea of being one, I love reading, I love language, but the determination to keep dreaming for it somehow just died.
It says that when you give First fruits, God will give back what belongs to you. Well, it happened.

When God happens in your life, then you can call it 'life'.

Every Being is Under Authority

USA vs UK

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya menonton sebuah acara reality show pencarian Top Model di Amerika (yeah I bet you know what the title is), tapi yang bikin menarik, edisi kali itu dikorporasikan dengan model-model dari UK sehingga nama acaranya diembel-embeli dengan kata "British Invasion". Oww, I always love this kind of reality show.

Sedang sibuk membabat habis makan malam saya sambil memanjakan kuping dengan aksen Bre'-ish (baca saja begitu) yang lalu lalang, model-model cakep tampak seru berdebat. Di edisi kali itu, mereka juga diajarin untuk menjadi pelaku bisnis di dunia fashion. Mereka ditantang buat merancang sendiri konsep photoshoot, membelanjakan uang dengan bijaksana, serta menggunakan waktu dengan sebaik mungkin. Di situ saya berpikir, wew, seru juga ya, dan makin serius menyimak.

Mereka melakukan photo shoot untuk suatu situs fashion online store dari Inggris, team USA versus team UK. Yang satu mengeksekusi tema Punk Love, satunya 60's Mod. Semua berambisi untuk memberikan yang terbaik, walaupun ada yang enggak berhasil. Sebagai audience, menurut saya yang mereka lakukan itu udah oke banget. Semuanya kreatif dan punya team work yang oke.

Tiba waktunya untuk penjurian. Satu persatu model dikasih kritikan yang membangun. Ada yang dibilang pemimpin yang nggak becus, dibilang salah pilih foto, dikata-katain fotonya nggak menarik sama sekali, dan lain sebagaimana adanya penjurian. It is easy to be the one who watches, rather than the one who hears all those shits throwing to them faces. It's not that harsh, though.

Sampe satu model yang tadinya paling saya jagokan dari Inggris (mulai dari sini kita sebut saja dia si kece), yang emang paling bermasalah sejak zaman makeover, menghadap juri dan mulai menerima kritikan.

"I think in this picture you look like you're mean," ujar salah satu juri. Seketika juga muka si kece berubah drastis and the rest are nuts moments.

Salah satu Publisis (atau istilah Indo-nya Humas) kenamaan di dunia fashion yang jadi juri, yang emang judes mampus, bilang kalau si kece was so rude to her during the shoot. Merasa nggak terima dan teraniaya, si kece langsung tereak, NO! Yang rude itu eloo! Tingkah dia sukses bikin semua juri terpana.

"I think you really have issues with authority," kata juri utama dari kompetisi ini. "See, she is A PUBLICIST, and you are A MODEL, there's hierarchy here." Si kece yang nggak terima, mulai ngeluarin kata-kata makian and lashes out of the room, begging to be sent home.


Dari situ saya cukup lama termenung sih. Beberapa bulan terakhir saya belajar tentang tunduk pada otoritas, mostly I learn from Saturday sermons. Otoritas adalah orang yang ditunjuk Tuhan untuk jadi pemimpin, dan ditunjuknya seseorang tersebut tidak ada hubungan dengan sifat atau sikap apa yang orang tersebut miliki. Jadi mau orang yang jadi pemimpin itu kasar, korup, ataupun tidak tau terima kasih, we really have no choice but to obey.

Di sini, si kece memang pantes merasa kesal, karena dia sudah berusaha yang terbaik, tapi si publisis yang sensi tetap ngga menghargai hasil kerja dia. Tapi gimanapun, as the main judge said, ada hierarki yang berlaku. Suka atau ngga suka, kita harus tunduk pada otoritas.

Untuk bisa dipercaya menjadi pemimpin, terlebih dulu ada otoritas-otoritas yang Tuhan sediakan untuk kita belajar tunduk dan dilatih menjadi rendah hati. Salah si kece, dia tidak rendah hati dan tidak mau menerima didikan yang benar (bebal).

Tunduk Otoritas itu (Nggak) Susah

Susah-susah gampang sih kalo menurut saya. Konsep mikirnya disederhanakan saja. Tuhan menciptakan kita agar kita serupa dan segambar dengan Dia, untuk itu ada Roh Kudus yang diturunkan untuk membentuk kita, tinggal di dalam kita. Ia ada di dalam kita.

Kalau memang pribadi-Nya ada di dalam kita, sudah seharusnya kita mewarisi sifat-sifat ilahi-Nya dong? Salah satunya, ya itu tadi. Tunduk pada otoritas. Yesus sendiripun tunduk pada otoritas, terbukti dengan taat sampai mati.

Jadi Gimana Dong?

Matikan keinginan kita untuk melawan otoritas. Itu yang saya pelajari hari-hari ini. Sadar diri, dong! Siapa sih kita di dunia ini? Bukan siapa-siapa kalo kita nggak punya Tuhan. Jadi apakah pantas kita melawan siapapun itu yang Tuhan taro untuk jadi pemimpin atas kita? Not at all. No excuse whatsoever, mau sebrengsek apapun pemimipin kita, cuma taat satu-satunya jalan agar kita berkenan.

Seandainya aja si kece tadi mau ngedengerin, si publisis tadi sebetulnya baru akan memuji hasil fotonya, yang ternyata salah satu dari delapan foto terbaik. See? Condescending the authority only will lead us to defeat after defeat.

Foto yang tadinya bakal dipuji setelah performanya dikritik habis-habisan

"Barangsiapa ingin menjadi besar di antara kamu, hendaklah ia menjadi pelayanmu...Sama seperti Anak Manusia datang bkan untuk dilayani melainkan untuk melayani dan untuk memberika nyawa-Nya menjadi tebusan bagi banyak  orang" (Matius 20:26B+28)


"Sebab orang yang tak berpengalaman akan dibunuh oleh keenganannya, dan orang bebal akan dibinisakan oleh kelalaiannya" (Amsal 1:32)

In the Heat of the Day

Meet Augy

My friend screamed, this is so Harper's Bazaar. I just laughed (secretly hoping it's true! Ha!)

Sexy back!

So far, tis is my favorite dress!

I helped a dear friend doing a photo shoot for her lovely boutique, Kiwi Wardrobe. Actually, I offered to help. I said I'd like to have as many works as possible to finally have my own photography portfolio. Yeah, someday, somehow, I need to! Anywow, she said OK and there I was, taking few shots after a long long break due to internship

As I was almost drooling all over those small size clothing, I kind of contemplated on how big my hips are. That's the situation I always face every time I meet a long leggie (what I like to call girl with skinny legs). Anyeww, I still like how I am shaped because simply it's God's given. Meh. Period.

In the Heat of the Day

We laugh like an immature being
The clouds melt as we felt
The heat stroke
Oh to be free, at last
This one fine sun day

Graphic Poet Doodling

THEE

Praying Hands

Dedicated this post to the Mighty Guard that fathering my universe, Jesus.
I never thought that at some point in life there will be a phase called "Carry Your Cross", not that I didn't know, I just didn't expect it to be as hard as giving up your safe home.

The last 3 years of my soon-to-be 21 years life, I have been nothing but a fighter in demand. I am not tough, never been. But the realization that you need to pass an initiation before you become the person God created you to be is quietly the formula that formed a man. Then the real life of moi, begun.

My dad, who basically is a strong dreamer, advised me to get out of Surabaya. The one convincing line he gave me was: "What will you get here? You need to explore." Well, I didn't like that much of exploration, I used to think. My furthest exploration so far is drowning in the imagination I chewed from books. And those were great enough. The dream I thought he and my mother would love to come true, I tried to live it.

The say that says if you're not living your dream, then you don't live. Now I get to say the addition, "if you're not living the dream you are here for, that's when you don't live." I spent my first year away from home, rejecting the fact that I am no longer in my safe place, hating, resisting family, parents, boyfriend. Until it reached the boiling temperature. They all were tired of holding me.

The second year was easier, healing all the wound, and getting the best friends and people I ever known in my whole life was the outcome of acceptance. I knew then, there were hard times God allowed you to face to carry you to the most mesmerizing experiences in life. While you kept rejecting, God kept on pushing you to know and accept, that He always knows what's best for you.


I was all happy and groovy, then another new beginning came. In the year of 2012, the Internship period begun. God only knew why would I rejected the big media company that secured an intern position for me. No, that's still a big mystery.

Ended up at a growing Public Relations agency with a great boss was the reality. Bittersweet, I cried my self the whole night (and the whole dawn) in the first month. I couldn't help but feeling afraid to go to work. Knowing that I might be yelled at with harsh tone that none of single human being ever used to describe or tell me something. Learning is not easy, but trying to have faith has never been.


I thought it was a mistake to go there, to ever been there. But, NO. Just because you don't like the situation you're in, doesn't mean it is not the right situation (I learnt that the hardest way). I was struggling to finally came up with the decision that I won't continue the last 4 month interning there. I felt like I was such a loser, leaving my roommate alone facing the enormous amount of fear alone. I blamed myself for being weak compared to her, really.

And so I prayed, I prayed that God would let me know if I was doing wrong, I prayed that the Holy Ghost would give me a single clue. But it was too late, the decision's been made to find another place. I was sorry, but continuing to apply somewhere else. Until one fine March Friday when the boss wasn't around, I applied to an online mega store for fashion. Hoping nothing, I continued my peaceful Friday.

At least half an hour later, my silenced phone lighted up. Incoming call from an unknown number, picked up, and friendly voice invited me to an afternoon interview, just the same day from that fashion online place. Just like a twinkling snap, I got an intern place! This time with a regular salary *grin.

I am writing this now from the laptop the company gave during the internship, from the desk beside my dorm mate back in uni. Now that it's easier to wake up in the morning, my sister is going to start her high school year soon so my parents needs to fulfill the tuition.

There were days when the cash is crashed. But it becomes easier to believing all the Saturday's sermons I listened from the powerful and inspiring female Pastor in the church I come to. I learned to give the first fruit (Exodus 23). Indeed, the Angel that He promised walked before my footsteps. Every time the money's thin, there's always so many little magic (like the stranger man paid my bus ticket, my supervisor took me out for lunch, or the freelance job from the old boss).

This is the most times that I could actually count His blessings and learnt new things so much. As bitter as I missed home and could not go back for another three months, the faith in me is increased. I could never thank THEE enough.

I found our memories
They were tiptoeing between my old school shoes
I tried to catch them, you know
I was hoping to put them somewhere crystal
somehow they are pieces

Promise me you would take a look
It is not like  i will burst into tears
I won't beg, just to show memories
Because it's there
Always been

Just So You Know

Just so you know
I miss you so

But there's no point of it
Not anymore
To let it show
To let you know
How I feel every time I see your old picture
Or listen to the song that reminds me of you
Or suddenly seeing you in my mind, still love me

I think I am not giving up
But when I knew that, maybe, it wasn't me that you always wait for
Maybe it wasn't me that you can't erase from your heart
Maybe all this time you just had your hardest time to let me go
Not because you still love me and hope any future will be created together with me

I think I wasn't good enough for you.
Ya, I was. I know I was.
But it attacked me so hard, that at the time you still showed your little care, little love, little longing for me to be around, you could love another so hard, so painfully, so crazily...
And it makes me wonder, where were I? Were I there in your heart?

And I had started to believe, maybe it all had been over with the another
Maybe you didn't want me now, but later, there will be hope for me to be next to you
But it seems not

It seems not

I had had my misunderstanding
All things become bias
Is it me or is it her?

I can't show you that I care, not that I wouldn't even think of you
Hey, just so you know, that's all I could do these couple days. I can't show you because I don't want to. There's no point of it.
I can't show you how much I miss you, how much I wonder what are you doing right now, how are you feeling, or how heavy my heart can be whenever I want to lighten up your day with my words or cheer you up when you're down, but I just can't see what's the point of it.

I can't
It never across my mind that you could love someone else that big, and it turned out not to be me
I never witnessed it with my own bare eyes. I saw it, and I lie if I told you I didn't cry
I had cried so hard, but you didn't need to know, there's no point of it.

You wanted me to need you, I always did
You wanted me to love you, I had tried my best to make you see
I am sorry that I can never be like her
I didn't know what should I have done to make you believe me like the way you believe in her love
I failed
I lost
I failed to change the way you want me to
Maybe she succeeded
I lost our three years in just three months you had spent with her
Maybe that three months were so full of happiness and you were showered by her love that you always desired, that kind of love I failed to give.
Maybe compared to our three years of right and wrong, learning and making mistakes, laugh and cry, anger and rudeness, simple care and our hopes together, the happiness I ever craved in your faces, the disappointment I created in your eyes, your forgiveness, my coming back (how funny is it, the fact that I can't stand myself trying to leave you twice, have you ever felt that I left you? Maybe that's why, because I never really left you, the day she left you made you so crazy. Again where were I in your heart?), those three months are just too wonderful.

Too wonderful to you that after all this time you had fulfilled my days once again, along with my fake reject, my lousy ego to pretend that I didn't care at all, your patience to accept me again and again, you still want her to contact you.

So, just so you know, I think you don't love me anymore
I think I have lost you since your three months with her started
I was too stupid to see, and too in love with you that my heart wouldn't give up on you

Bias.
You had loved her that much, that big, for your three months together
You had stayed with me until today since three years ago, with every ups and downs
Bias.
Maybe all this time, it wasn't me.

 http://lifeliveson.tumblr.com/page/2

Lalu Kenapa?

Ketika kita bertambah dewasa, akankah semua sakit hati dan penyesalan terlihat seperti kanak2 yang perlahan melenyap?

Ketika kita bergerak maju, akankah semua cinta yg dulu menggelegak perlahan bergeser memberi ruang untuk yang baru?

Lalu kenapa terasa menakutkan?

Karena tidak mungkin kita menolak kedewasaan, betapa bodohnya kita.

Tapi jika untuk menjadi dewasa itu berarti kehilanganmu, lalu kenapa terasa menakutkan, menyakitkan?

Aku ingin menahanmu untuk tinggal di sini, akan jadi terlalu egois.

Kenapa tidak bisa tetap seperti siklus yang dulu? Aku menyukainya, aku adalah siklus itu.
Ketika hanya kau, aku, dan tawa yg kita bagi. Hei, itu saja cukup.

Tapi tampaknya, entah kapan, kita masing-masing berhenti bahagia, dan itu menyakitkan.

Aku tidak mempersalahkan, aku hanya menahan rindu
Kalau aku menangis, kumohon maaf di dalamnya, seandainya saja kau ada di sini

Aku bukan kebaikan, aku bukan kecantikan, aku bukan tanpa noda.
Tapi yang terlambat kusadari, adalah kaupun tidak bisa menjadi seperti itu, dan ketika tertengadah, kau mulai melangkah

Dewasalah, katamu, dewasalah, aku sayang padamu, jadilah dewasa, mohonmu lagi.

Maafkan keegoisanku, aku jatuh kesekian kali, dan kali ini, ketika aku berusaha menyamai langkahmu, kau selalu semil lebih, dan aku terengah-engah

Aku tidak bisa bilang kembalilah, tunggu aku, akan jadi terlalu egois
Bahkan meluapkan yang sedikit dari yang sesungguhnya pun, akan jadi terlalu konyol

Aku memahamimu

Bicara saja pada Tuhan, lalu kenapa, Tuhan?

Mungkin Tuhan ingin sesuatu dariku, dan darimu, dan bukan dari kita disatukan

Kita dulu satu tim mimpi, tapi mimpipun ada saatnya kita terbangun.
Hanya saja, seringkali kumohonkan dalam doa
Kuingin terbangun di sampingmu.

Lalu semua kenapa lenyap bersama kanak-kanak
Menyisakan siklus baru untuk bermimpi bersamamu

Aku ingin itu saja

La Pluie

I might hate it or I can slowly let myself drown into its beauty...
Of those transparent needles...

It's always a magic, or should I call it a mystery...
How every single unwashed memories come back to me...even if I silently close the box
All I need is just to stare at them for hours...
And then there you are...laying there in the corner of my mind...refuse to leave

La Pluie est belle...
Rain is beautiful...so are you...
It is painful, it is, it is...
To be captured by its marvelous blue gray shadow...
To find you there, everywhere...

I just can't stay...but to be honest I fall for La Pluie
Everytime I see it, I see memories of you, of me...
Crawling, craving
Begging, I beg you don't go, stay still...
You leave me with such a long...numb echoes...

So that every pain will go, so that every eyes will be closed...

So that no more you, me, and rain...Let it be only rain...
With every bruise that comforts me...take away all of you from me...
La Pluie est belle
So are you...

I wanna dance under it
I wanna be loved by it

Go flying with the abnormal wind...
But let La Pluie stays...




_Pikku_

Fifteen (dedicated to all girls who are reaching their 15 ages or those who are already 15 years old now)

Saya lg mendengarkan lagu ini trus sy jd teringat sm adik2, khususnya yg cewek2. Yg masih SMP, mau masuk SMA, baik yg uda di SMA. Pokoknya yg usia sekitar 15 tahunan deh.

Saya banyak bgt temen di fb sm anak2 SMP, n mereka rata2 statusnya uda in relationship with. Padahal kalo ingat2 zaman SMP sy dulu, waduuh cupunya alamakjaaang... Ada sih naksir2 kakak kelas, guru bahkan! (nih ez'w'teh company pasti yg skul di P5 tau sapa...ahahahayy). Tapi ya udah, cuman gitu2 tok. Cuman hobi ngliat, jerit2 kl orgnya lewat, ga sampe pacaran gitu. Lebih menyenangkan ikut lomba2, n berpikir gimana caranya bisa menang. Sederhana ya? Tapi kalo dipikir-pikir, bukannya itu yg Tuhan mau kita lakukan? Lgpula waktu2 itu, sy ga cantik sm sekali kyk cewe2 SMP zaman sekarang, ga banget deh! Tapi saya enggak menyesal, SMP, khususnya kelas 3 adalah saat2 paling membahagiakan di hidup saya selama 18 tahun ini. Kl bisa kembali, sy mau kembali, krn di situlah saat sy benar2 mengejar cita2 saya, ga ada gangguan apapun. And it was good! Trust me!

Lirik ini buat kalian semua, cewe2.

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool
We'll be outta here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
And you're feeling like flying
And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind and we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors
- - -


Saya merinding disko wkt pertama kali denger lagu ini (hasil asal download krn ga ada kerjaan n lg suka sm Cece Taylor). Kok keren amat nih cewe! Anyway, bukan itu intinya yg mau saya sampaikan.

Saya tau males banget deh ditag tag in notes beginian, mana panjang pula. Yah, tuh saya udah bikin gampang, kl emg males bacanya, plg ga baca yg udah ditebelin n dibesarin udah cukup kok.
(jadi sensi begini, hehe)

Menjelang umur 15, pokoknya hidup ini blm susah deh, udah begitu2 aja, sekolah, main, ketemu temen2, ngomongin sapa lg deket sama sapa, main FS (zmn dulu blm ada FB), nilai cowo ini cakep, yg itu jelek.

Kdg ikutan lomba apa gitu, nglakuin hobi saya setiap hari, pokoknya hidup ini ga ada masalah. Kayak prolog sy di atas tadi, sy lebih peduli gmn saya bangga sm diri saya sendiri, sm prestasi sy.

Suka2 cwo ya cuman lucu2 aja, ga sampe in a relationship with apa gitu...atau sampe ngerti bgmn caranya bilang cinta, sayang, kangen, sm seorang cowok (ni ada contoh. sy pernah lihat kata2 begini ditulis sm anak SMP: mmuachh, duh duh koko ini, aku syg bgt sm koko, aku ga peduli koko blg koko jelek atau apa, pokoknya buat aku koko cakep n aku cnta koko). Contoh ini, waktu saya baca, saya cuman whoooaa....kyknya zaman udah beda banget.
Kok bisa ngomong yg begituan, di usia yg masih...14? sm cowo yg lebih tua. Ga tau cowonya yg ngebuat cewe SMP ini berani ngomong gitu atau cewe ini udah tau aja gmn ngomong gombal ama cowo. Waduh.

Berdasarkan lagu di atas, ada hal2 yg saya pelajari.

Ketika umur 15, jengjengjeeeng... Si Taylor ini tau banget. Sebetulnya yg bener itu, kita mulai belajar untuk dewasa tu usia 15, bukan 17. Saya setuju ama Ce Taylor. Okelah sweet 17, tapi 15 justru masa transisinya.

Lirik di atas jelas bilang:

-waktu km umur 15, km berharap cowok2 seniormu di SMA tuh bakal nglirik n ngajak km kenalan. Bangga dong kl bisa pacaran sm cowo yg populer, disukain temen2 cewe kita, n lebih tua! Ya ampun, itu bener! Akui saja!! Hahahaha, hayoo lo!!!!

-waktu km umur 15, waktu ada yg bilang, "aku suka sama kamu, aku cinta kamu," seberapa gampangnya kita jatuh n percaya sama kata-kata cowo itu? Kita merasa lebih berarti, kita merasa kita ga invisible. Tersanjung. Padahal itu perasaan semu lo adik2 cewe, ingat!

-waktu km umur 15, itulah gerbang sesungguhnya, tepat sebelum kamu tahu kamu mau jadi apa. Kamu ga yakin sebenernya mau jadi apa. Masih malu-malu, ga pede, nunjukkin bakatmu. Nah kl km uda ngaku jadi anak Tuhan, jadilah cewe 15 tahun yg pede dan menghargai dirimu sendiri ya!

-waktu km umur 15, waktu berlalu makin cepet. Km punya temen baru, ada cowo yg ngedeketin km karena km cantik atau cute. Ada yg ngajak jalan km, ngasih perhatian extra, sms, pingin kenal km lebih jauh. Km langsung berpikir, wuaah, dia satu-satunya, aku bakal nikah sm dia.
Yah setidaknya untuk cewe mantan cupu kyk saya, itu dulu bener2 terjadi. Saya serius berpikir begitu lo percaya nggak percaya! Mungkin nanti ada dari antara kalian juga bakal mikir gitu, setelah umur 15 ke atas. Kl dulunya kalian cuman seneng2 aja sm cowo2, begitu kalian beranjak dewasa hal ini mungkin bakal terlintas.
Yah sekedar pelajaran aja, lagu ini bilang, in your life, km akan nglakuin hal2 yg lebih besar dr sekedar bisa pacaran sm cowo cakep yg bilang dia suka sm kamu.Km mungkin belum tau ini, bahkan km bakal ga peduli kl km bener2 ngalamin, yg penting aku cinta dia, dia cinta aku, tapi kl km udah baca ini, stop mikir kalau cowo itu pusat hidupmu, mungkin kalo nanti km ngalamin hal yg sama kyk sy dulu.

-waktu km umur 15, all you wanted was to be wanted. Ini bener, kdg kita merasa kita lebih berarti kl ada yg suka sm kita. Hey, uda berapa kali ikut retret? Sesinya kan muter2 aja, gmbar diri, hati Bapa....Km berharga girls! Berharganya km ga ditentukan dari ada enggaknya cowok suka sm km! Km smua cantik, berbakat, dan berharga. Jgn ngerendahkan dirimu sendiri dengan memberikan semua yg km punya ke seorang cowo yg bahkan belum tentu jadi suamimu, jgn ngerendahkan dirimu dengan jd gampangan ngomong cinta, padahal km sendiri ga yakin dgn perasaanmu.

-waktu umur 15, HATI-HATI! Km labil, plinplan. Seringkali km mengabaikan Roh Kudus yg ada di hatimu. Km masih nyari siapa sebenarnya dirimu, dan satu kesalahan bisa mengubah segalanya. Jaga hidupmu, hatimu, pergaulanmu. Cari siapa km sesungguhnya, apa yg Tuhan mau terjadi dalam hidupmu, jgn sia-siakan waktumu. UMUR 15 ADALAH AWAL.

Bersyukur untuk siapa dirimu sekarang, awal yg baru ini Tuhan uda kasih untuk km jalanin sebaik-baiknya. Kalau bisa, seperti lirik lagu ini, saya mau kembali dan ngomong sm diri saya sendiri waktu umur saya 15, "Km berharga, km ga butuh disukain cowo2 untuk membuat km lebih berharga, km punya mimpi yg harus km kejar."


-Pikku-




THX. GBU

Ternyata Rindu Itu Sebegini Menyakitkan

My only question do you miss me when I am gone? (This Letter-VibeKingz)

Sunset

Captured sunset at Dufan.

I like the feelings here because it was seen between the wheels of a huge ferris wheel there. Kinda romantic, isn't it? The peachy tone in the middle of masculine gray is the most beautiful thing you can enjoy from the sky seen between those giant wheels.
I've just learnt photography, thanks to Jeremy. He taught me a lot. And this first piece is for him. I hope someday he'll see it and like it.

Old Song

An old song's hummed
We're sitting on that bench
Showered by the sunset

In silence we both understand
No talking, humming, humming

An old song's hummed
We stand and separate

(May, 2010)

Pucat Harap

Pucat langit kunanti hadir
Tentang cinta yang tak punya nyali
Tentang cinta yang mengendap
Menolak pudar

Mengharap semenit kau terpikir
Tentangku, masa lalu yang manis
Dan akankah ada setitik rasa
Terbangun kembali, asal kau bahagia

Kita berjumpa lagi
Sekali lagi
Dan kuharap Tuhan memegangmu
Untukku saja

(January 19, 2010)

*In the middle of chaos, still waited for something that will crash me. In your new world, I was only your rebound, sadly. And the girl who turned her heart from you, is your first concern. I didn't know what did u do back then with her, I didn't know how was your heart, but you did still say you loved me, and missed me. I know now that it was just your place to runaway from the fact that she didn't even text you or reply your messages, and the fact you were afraid to lose her, because - dumb me - I thought you didn't contact her at all, but hey, you were trying, you didn't want to lose her at all, you were serious, none like u said, she was just rebound, but she hurt me first before I ever got chance to hurt her. Whooa, I believed that. I was just fooling myself at those times.

Tak Berseri

Aku tak terlalu berseri
Mengungkap mimpi dan kawan seperjalanannya
Hanya seujung kuku pernah kubuat

Aku tak begitu paham
Tentang arti senyummu
Atau menelaah air matamu

Atau tentang rasa
Yang kadang menyeruak maju
Tak pernah dapati

Aku tak berseri
Bahkan tak cukup nyentrik
Untuk mencintaimu dengan cinta

(February 14, 2009)

*whooa, I found this piece, and the date is perfectly match. The date you really come back to my life, after choosing to leave me and try with the 'someone else'. I was a failure in loving you.

Yang Tak Seberapa Penting Itu

Percakapkan apa saja, asal jangan luka
Lamunkan diriku, lewati bagian perpisahan
Perdengarkan segalanya, kecuali untuk marah

Untuk setiap tawa, aku rela
Karena begitu merinduku akan sapanya
Aku mengangankan hanya ada kau
Dan aku
Juga yang tak seberapa penting itu

(May 4, 2009)

*I am sorry for leaving you like this. To be separated, it's never easy. But thank u for all your efforts in my first year, I know I hurt you so bad, until there's no more place in your heart left to be hurt by me. There's only place for someone prettier and can treat you well, far more than me, something I never seem to be able to do. I did tried. But you chose to go. And I am so sorry.
I want to get back my old memories, which is impossible, the memories before the 'someone else' came.
I cried, you always want me to cry for you. Now I lost count.

Teka - teki

Aku mencuri sosokmu lewat ekor mataku
Menyimpan ratusan semesta
Yang coba kuuraikan
Lalu di antara gema-gema tawa
Tahu-tahu kita melempar teka-teki
Yang kita, kau dan aku terka
Bagiku itu setiap rindu yang tak kuucap
Bagimu itu kebodohan untuk setiap salinan rindu yang percuma

Kusimpan satu, dua tanya
Kutelan
Kausaput dalam hening
Enggan saling meluka
Ini hanya sepotong teka-teki
Jangan kita terhenti tertawa
Toh tak ada jawabnya

(May 4, 2009)

*remember? I used to make you upset, and you used to make me upset too. But it was my happiest time with you, at least for me, you were the best. And I did really love you, I never lie to you or loved other man more than you. I never ever did anything you did to me.